The Holiday Party       

The holiday business party is back!  We heard in the news this week that 83% of businesses are planning a holiday celebration for their employees this year.  So in addition to celebrating with friends and neighbors, you're also likely to share some good times with colleagues and clients.

However, the prospect of a holiday party, or a round of them, makes some of us nervous and raises questions for many of us. This time of year, I seem to get more questions about social etiquette, so I'm sharing my top ten tips for guests at holiday parties.  For more tips, watch Tom Hanks in Big when he goes to the company party.

1.   R.S.V.P.: please, please respond to all invitations promptly.  The failure of guests to accept or decline in a timely way remains a top complaint of anyone who has ever tried to plan any sort of event.  Don't make your host guess at your attendance plans.  Remember, also, that the invitation is for the person or persons indicated on the envelope or invitation. Bringing unexpected guests is impolite. 

2.  Dress appropriately: read the invitation for guidance on proper attire.  If you're still not sure what to wear, perhaps you can ask someone who has attended the event in the past what would be appropriate. Remember, for a business function, particularly one with an international guest list, it is best to be conservative.  You want people to remember you, not your clothing.  The holiday season is a good time to add some sparkles, but if you're wondering if that dress is too bare, too flashy, or too snug for this particular party, it probably is. 

3.  Bring a gift for the host: if the party is in someone's home, it is polite to take a small gift.  If you know the host well, you can customize the gift to his or her interests.  If not, some general gift ideas include: an ornament (if your host celebrates Christmas), gourmet cookies or chocolates, a candle, a bottle of wine or olive oil, designer soaps, or a homemade treat.   Unless it's  a potluck event, don't bring food or wine with the expectation that it should be shared at the party, and make it clear to the host that they should enjoy it later.  

4.  Mix and mingle: the point of a party is to enjoy the company of others, after all.  This is the time to come out of your shell, greet those you know, and make an effort to meet those you don't.   Do not feel obligated to stay with the same cluster of friends or co-workers all night.  It is perfectly permissible, and often a good idea, to say "I've so enjoyed talking with you," and then excuse yourself to say hello to someone else.  

5.  Be inclusive:  Some people need a little help mixing and mingling.  Invite the person who doesn't seem to know anyone into your group.  Introduce your newest colleagues to the people you know.  Take a few minutes to chat with a spouse who is left out of all the office talk. Everyone has an interesting story to tell; see if you can't discover a new one.  

6.  Be prepared with appropriate small talk:  Before the party, think of a few topics of  general interest, in case you come to a conversational dead end.  Stumped? Try these ideas: an interesting news story; a good book, movie or art exhibition you've seen recently; the fortunes of local sports teams, if you follow them; travel or holiday plans; trends, announcements, and developments in your field. As a last resort, you can always ask how your conversation partner knows the host or is connected to the party.  

7.  Be kind and sincere: This is the time of year when it's especially appropriate to heap praise on those who deserve it, and to express your gratitude for friendship, good deeds, and kindnesses you've received.  Take a moment, also, to thank the support staff who have done the hard work on the party or helped you out throughout the year.  But don't ever fake it.  People can tell when you mean what you say, and when you don't.  

8.   Drink in moderation:  Many holiday business parties will include alcohol.  Enjoy it in a spirit of moderation, remembering that the focus is on business.  You never want your consumption or conduct to be remarked on in any way. It is also impolite to comment on what others are drinking or not, or to push an alcoholic drink on anyone.  

9.  Have fun:  Your  hosts have planned a party hoping that you would enjoy yourself.  Try to arrive in a festive frame of mind, and to enjoy yourself and spread good cheer.  Find something to appreciate about every event.  And when you are done having fun, thank the host and say your farewells. 

10.  Send a thank you note after the party:  Does that sound old-fashioned?  It shouldn't! Yes, people still do this, and you should, too.  There is nothing like a brief note -- on paper, or even by e-mail -- expressing your appreciation to the host.   It will make the recipient's day and will cement your reputation for grace and thoughtfulness.

 The Protocol Lady